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***The following images and story may not be appropriate for all readers. You have been warned.***

Six years ago I started noticing a weird purple spot under my left thumbnail down by the cuticle. At first I didn't think anything of it, thinking I had hit it against something and it was just a little blood blister under there. Then I started noticing the pain. My thimbnail was now extremely sensitive. When ever it was bumped or hit with something (actions that on my other thumb I wouldn't even notice) I was reduced to tears. It was also now very sensitive to cold. During the winter it would throb in pain all morning and whenever I would hold a glass of ice water in my left hand--pain. I just dealt with the pain for a while thinking that as soon as the blood blister went away everything would go back to normal.

*fast forward 6 years*

I still have the purple spot under my thumbnail. It is still extrememly sensitive to touch and cold temperatures and I am beginning to get tired of dealing with the pain. Also, a ridge has developed in my nail that runs right down the middle of the nail.

Now, many of you are probably thinking, why didn't you go to the doctor six years ago? The answer: Because I am a mega wimp. I hate going to the doctor. I hate needles. I hate pain and the thought of surgery and I knew that if I went that is what the doctor was going to tell me: that I needed some kind of surgery to fix whatever was wrong. Finally, however, I forced myself to go to the doctor. I had had done some reasearch on my own to try and figure out what was going on with my thumb. What I had come up with was this: a glomus tumor. For those who are interested you can do a Google search, but basically it is a growth that can develop under the nail. I talked to the doctor and he substantiated my research. He told me I had two options: live with the pain or he can remove the nail and take out the little growth. The catch? There's no guarantee that the nail will grow back correctly. Because he's going to be cutting where the matrix is (where nail cells grow) there may always be a ridge or split in my nail after the surgery.

I thought about it. I called my mom (when in doubt, call mom!). I made the decision to have the procedure done. I was already taking some time off this week because my parent's were going to be out of town and I was going to be staying with my sisters, so I took a few extra days off before my parent's left to have the surgery. Monday afternoon my mom came and picked me up from work and we went to the doctor's office. (Yes, I'm almost 28 and yes, my mom came with me to the doctor. You got a problem with that?) Finally we were called back to the room and the medical assistant who took us back asked me the stupidest question ever. "So, you want to take your nail off?"

Uhm. No. I don't want to take off my nail.

She gives me a disclosure statement to sign about the possible alergic reactions I could have to the anethesia and about the possibility that there is going to be a scar, yadda yadda yadda. I sign it, she leaves and mom and I are left in the room to wait some more. My heart is fluttering anxiously in my chest the longer we sit here. Have I mentioned that I hate doctors, needles, surgery and pain?? I'm trying to breathe evenly. I don't want to pass out.

In comes the doctor, followed by someone else (a medical student, I assume, who is shadowing him today). We are introduced to the other guy as Scott. And he's cute. (Too bad he has to be introduced to me when I am going to be acting like such a huge wimp....) What did Scott look like? Tall, thin, dark hair, really pretty blue eyes...and he looked very familiar to me. It took me until later that evening when I was home, lying on the couch and trying to ignore the pain in my thumb, that it finally dawned on me why Scott looked so familiar. He looked kinda of like Sean Maher. (And no, Katy, I am not making this up so please stop laughing.) Who is Sean Maher? He played the doctor, Simon on Firefly.

The doctor preps my fingers and reaches (for what I assumed was the syringe of the anethetic) and I immediately turn my head, grab my mom's hand, close my eyes and cringe in the chair. To which Scott replies, "It's just a pen."

"Oh." I reply, relaxing some and mentally slapping my head. Idiot, idiot, idiot....

After making some marks on my thumb indicating where he is going to be cutting, the doctor NOW grabs the syringe of anethetic and I cringe again. He talks to Scott about where he's injecting the anestheic and why...as my thumb slowly goes numb and tingly. Then starts the process of removing my thumbnail. Thankfully the anesthetic is doing it's job and I don't feel anything. I keep my eyes focused on the wall behind my mom and keep a steady hold of her hand. The doctor gets the nail off and remarks, "Everything looks normal. Your nail bed is really healthy looking."

Damn it.

"I'm feeling around now." The doctor says. "To see if I can feel anything that shouldn't be there. I can't find anything..."

Here I must pause and point out something that struck me as funny. The radio that is being piped into the room made me laugh at this point. What song, you ask, is playing? "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2. LOL! The next song that comes on was very apropo as well: "Had A Bad Day" by Daniel Powter.

Back to the operation taking place.

"Well," the doctor says a moment later. "I can feel something but here's the problem. It's underneath the matrix." (The matrix is the root of the nail--where nail cells grow). "If I cut through thee matrix there is a possibility that it won't heal properly and you'll always have a ridge or split in your nail. So it's up to you on what you want to do."

I looked at my mom then took a deep breath. "Do it." I say. I mean, he's already in there, I want whatever is in there taken out." (Break through the Matix, Neo!) So he goes through the matrix and takes out what he calls "a growth of fatty tissue" then puts a few stitches in my finger where he had to cut the skin to get to the matrix and they bandage me up. He wrote me out a prescription for some pain pills (Tylenol with codeine....as my friend Kristen said, I got jipped!) and I went home with mom.

Monday night was the longest and most painful night of my life. The codeine did almost nothing for the pain. I was kept up all night with the throbbing and stinging pain. I popped as many pills as I could through out the night but nothing seemed to help. Tuesday was.....interesting. All the codeine I injested the night before finally started kicking in during the afternoon and evening. I basically just sat on the couch and zoned out. I wasn't loopy, I wasn't tired, I was.....nothing. Then I started getting nauseated. Too much codeine, not enough food. Thought for a moment that my long streak of not puking was going to end. But it didn't.

Last night I took one pill before I went to bed and kept the bottle on the table by the bed, prepping for another night of pain. I went to bed.....and woke up at 6am! No need for pain pills during the night and no pain in my thumb! It was a miracle!! Another miracle: I haven't taken any pain pills today! :)

The thumb seems to be healing nicely but I have to say that it is very intersting trying to shower, get ready, drive, prepare food, TYPE, basically do anything, with one hand. Luckily it's my left hand that is semi-incapacitated but it is still more difficult than I thought it would be to do things minus one thumb. Below are a few pictures for those who have been asking for them and I will keep you all updated on how the healing goes :)

This is the super sexy red bandage I have on my thumb....mmmm...that's hot!! lol

This is what my thumb looks like without the super sexy bandage. The little black lines on my finger are the stitches.

babs and baby john

Barbara knocked on my door this afternoon. This is how she chooses to dress when she's going outside for a walk: undies, her monkey backpack, her red sunday shoes, and her baby and stroller.
John is now 7 weeks old and looking less like an alien and more like a baby. He smiles all the time now and it is the cutest thing ever!

are you waiting for a guy?

I went to the temple this morning. (For those of you who read this that aren't LDS, the temple is were members of the church go to participate in certian religious ceremonies that are considered very sacred. It is also a place where we are able to spend time meditating, praying and communing with God.) I was needing some time to contemplate a few decisions, seek some answers and spend some time away from "the world." My friend, Elaina, was going to meet me there. I got there and sat down to wait for the 10am session to start. No Elaina. So I decided to wait for the 10:30 session, giving her some more time to get there. As I was sitting there and older woman in the bench in front of me turned around and asked me, "Are you waiting for a guy?"

*pause*

My internal answer: Why, yes. Yes, I am. Been waiting for the last 28 years actually. Do you know where one is?

My real answer to her: "No." (with a smile on my face.) "I'm waiting for a friend who's running late."

Her response: "Oh, it just seems like we're always waiting for the guys."

This unexpected conversation left me thinking. Why are we always waiting for the guys? How long am I going to be waiting? To "my guy" (whoever and wherever you are): I'm tired of waiting.

crush, crush, crush

We all have our first crush--that first person we spend our days and nights dreaming and thinking about. We convince ourselves that this person is "The One" and then are crushed when it doesn't work out. You would think that we would get a clue. There's a reason they're called CRUSHES. But we don't. What is it about unrequited love that keeps us always coming back for more? There are three crushes that stand out for me.

My first crush was in 2nd grade and ever since there I've become a professional crusher. Lol. Those of you who know me well know all about my numerous celebrity and other crushes. The one who started it all was Dustin. Dustin Lewis. He was the cutest boy I'd ever seen and I fell hopelessly in love with him at the ripe old age of 7. We were in the same class and I was convinced that we were soulmates. One day, while were were waiting in line outside, I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek while our teacher was looking the other direction (I thought I was sooo sneaky....). I wrote: "I love Dustin" on the inside cover of all my notebooks (side note: my Mom found one of these notebooks several years later and teased me about it...). Then we moved. And I never heard from or saw him again. CRUSH.

The second one that stands out for me is Matthias. I was 14. He was 16. Though I don't remember ever actually talking to him, I convinced myself that we were perfect for each other and we were going to get married one day. He had amazing blue eyes and the first time I saw him at church I was a goner. This infatuation lasted for the next 2 years. Nothing ever happened between us. Again my family moved and I never saw him again. CRUSH.

The third was about 5 years ago when I first moved back to Arizona. I was working for my uncle as the receptionist/office manager of his Occupational, Speech and Physical Therapy office. Daylyn came and interned with my uncle for a semester. We talked and laughed and worked together on a few projects. Once again I convinced myself that HE was the one for me. Something was going to happen between us, I knew it! All the smiles and "moments" had to mean something, right? Then the semester ended and he was gone. Nothing happned. A couple months later I decided to give the whole "online dating" thing another go. Who did I find on the site I was a member of? Daylyn! I got excited. This had to be a sign, right? Right?? I sent him a message. Nothing happened. CRUSH.

Last night I found out that I am someone else's crush. Ryan has confessed to my sister, Julia, that he things I am really pretty. Last night she told me that whenever he hears that I am coming over to the house he wants to come over as well. He has said he would "totally" date me. Why oh why is he only 14?! LOL. Why can't I get a guy my age to feel this way about me?? I feel bad for the kid because I know what it feels like to be crushed.

I wish there was a way to avoid all this crushing.

here comes trouble

Last night was the Phoenix show of the Honor Society "Here Comes Trouble" tour. Here's how it went down:

5:00pm - I drove to my parent's house to pick up my sisters, Faith (16) and Julia (13). I love having sisters that are the actual age that I like to pretend I am! lol...I drag them with me to all the concerts that the people my age don't really want to go to....

5:20pm - We left my parent's house and headed North to Scottsdale and the concert venue: Martini Ranch. Scottsdale is only about 10 minutes away from where I live but it is an ENTIRELY different world! Here are my observations: as soon as you hit that invisbile city line all the fancy cars suddenly start appearing. Lexus, Mercedes, BMW, another Lexus, H3, and oh look: another Mercedes or 15. Also, the guys are all REALLY good looking in Scottsdale. Oh! And don't let me forget to mention the really good looking guy wearing an expensive suit on his motorcycle. Can you say hot?! Aiy! Okay, moving on....

5:45pm - Faith, Julia and I get to Martini Ranch. We park and get in line. The tickets say the show starts at 6:30 so we're looking good and feeling excited!

6:00pm - Still waiting outside as the line grows a little. Thankful that it's March and not August. It's only 75 degrees outside instead of 120.

6:30pm - No sign of the doors opening. Weird.

6:45pm - Still waiting to be let in. Still laughing about the fake, blonde, "Scottsdale-girls" in front of us and a funny conversation between Faith and Julia that went a little something like this:

"We're kind of quiet." Julia observes.

"I don't have anything to talk about." Faith replies. "Well...I do, but you guys don't want to hear it." She contiues with a little giggle.

"Because it's about your boyfriend, Josh?" Julia teases.

Faith giggled some more and her cheeks warmed slightly. "My life kind of revolves around him right now, what do you expect?" She asks.

"Your life should revolve around Jesus." Julia responds, completely serious.

I laughed. A lot.

7:00pm - We are finally let into the bar. Faith and Julia get their hands marked to indicate they are underage. I on the other hand get a nifty wrist band that indicated I could buy something if I so wished. (Too bad I don't drink! lol). We go over immediately to the "merch" table. As has become tradition, we bought lanyards (is that what they're called?!).

Pretty cool, huh? Notice anything odd about it? Look closely. It's for 2009! 2009, people! Honor Society Tour FAIL!! lol...oh, well.....

7:30pm - We have now been standing for 2 hours and my back is kinda starting to hurt. Luckily the openers comes out and we're able to get this party started! First opener: Ashlyn Huff. Second opener: Just Kait. Uhm...gonna be honest. Not really that impressed with either of them. I mean, don't get me wrong they weren't bad and I wasn't wishing they would get off the stage, but.....they were kind of forgettable for me. Don't think I'm going to be running out anytime soon to buy their albums. Might be harsh, but that's how I feel. The highlight of the opening acts: Julia got hit by one of the drumsticks that Just Kait's drummer threw out into the crowd! Not even joking! lol....it was pretty funny! And yes, she took it home and is keeping it as a momento.

9:00pm - Honor Society FINALLY gets on stage and OMG they are HOTTT!

I love them! Have from the first time I heard them when they were the openers for the JoBros! Also love the fact that we were literally 5 feet away from the stage! Yea for small venues that let you get close to your favorite groups! Also love the fact that Mike had sexy scruff going on and has sexy eyes and was making funny faces as he was singing. Also love the fact that Alex was being all crazy on the drums. I frickin love that guy! They did a great set but it was over WAY to soon! We were done and headed home right after 10pm :( Next time I want less of the opening acts and more of the main attraction, please. Oh! Also: Julia caught one of the guitar picks that Mike flicked out into the audience! Kinda made up for being beaned with a drumstick! lol

mental health day

Decided to take a "Mental Health Day" today and it was the best decision! Except for the thirty mintues I had to spend at the doctor's office waiting for and then having them draw some blood so they can do some routine blood tests the day was awesome! I have very small, hard to find veins. The one and only time I have even given blood willingly was not so fun and when I was 16 and having my appendix removed the anethesiologist tried every vein in my body--literally, ask me and I'll tell you the whole story--until finally inserting his needle into my ankle. My ankle! Needless to say, it has been a LONG time since I have let anyone near me with a needle and I found out today that I might have a slight case of needle-phobia....

After I was done at the doctor's office (which by the way, she tried my arm and failed and had to resort to drawing blood from my hand so I walked out of the office with two cotton balls taped to me...now that's hot!) met my mom and dad and sisters back at my place. We grabbed my two and a half year old niece, Barbara and headed for "the Mountians."

The Bashas' grocery store up in Payson (which is about an hour and a half north of where I live in Mesa) is the only store in the entire state of Arizona that sells Caffeine Free Dr. Pepper. The purpose of this trip was so my dad could re-stock. Also, Barbara loves the mountians and wanted to play in the snow. When we were driving up there she excitedly exclaimed, "Papa helped me go to the mountains!" It was the cutest thing ever!!

Oh yeah, side note: I semi-mutilated my thumb last night and wanted to document it for posterity. Moving on...

After we stocked up on pop for Papa, we decided to go check out the Shoofly Indian Ruins that were north of town. It was literally out in the middle of nowhere and there wasn't a whole lot to see except a few places were rocks were still stacked together showing where the foundation of the houses and other buildings used to be. We decided that on a scale from Lame to Very Cool, this place was inbetween Kinda Cool and Cool.

What made it better than just Kinda Cool was the fact that I found a baby horny toad! He was so little and cute. My dad was surprised, stating that "he shouldn't even be out of hibernation yet!" (Do lizards really hibernate??) We took a few pictures of him and then let him go again.

We stopped in at a few antique stores in town which was fun (except for the fact that we had a very wiggly 2 year old with us that refused to hold our hands and wanted to "pet" every stuffed animal and doll that she saw...).

Working on my sexy, come-hither look. Obviously....I still need to work on it! LOL...

I'm not exactly sure why this picture is upside down, but it kind of fits the tone of the photo, don't you think? Moral of the story? I had a great day. And I don't feel the least bit guilty about calling in "sick."

the new man in my life

I have recently been introduced to the new man in my life: Nathan Fillion. Hello, gorgeous!

If you are thinking he looks familiar, you may know him as Rick Castle from "Castle" on ABC (thank you Katy and Kristen for making me watch this show! I'm just sad I've missed the first season...thank goodness for DVD's!!) where he plays a best-selling mystery writer who is shadowing a police detective as "research" for his new character. I love this show for the humor and the fact that he's a writer.

Or, you may know him as Mal from "Firefly" (again, thank you Katy for the introdcution...yet another show to add to my ever increasing list of favorites...) and the subsequent movie, "Serenity."

He is my current guilty obsession.......