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***The following images and story may not be appropriate for all readers. You have been warned.***

Six years ago I started noticing a weird purple spot under my left thumbnail down by the cuticle. At first I didn't think anything of it, thinking I had hit it against something and it was just a little blood blister under there. Then I started noticing the pain. My thimbnail was now extremely sensitive. When ever it was bumped or hit with something (actions that on my other thumb I wouldn't even notice) I was reduced to tears. It was also now very sensitive to cold. During the winter it would throb in pain all morning and whenever I would hold a glass of ice water in my left hand--pain. I just dealt with the pain for a while thinking that as soon as the blood blister went away everything would go back to normal.

*fast forward 6 years*

I still have the purple spot under my thumbnail. It is still extrememly sensitive to touch and cold temperatures and I am beginning to get tired of dealing with the pain. Also, a ridge has developed in my nail that runs right down the middle of the nail.

Now, many of you are probably thinking, why didn't you go to the doctor six years ago? The answer: Because I am a mega wimp. I hate going to the doctor. I hate needles. I hate pain and the thought of surgery and I knew that if I went that is what the doctor was going to tell me: that I needed some kind of surgery to fix whatever was wrong. Finally, however, I forced myself to go to the doctor. I had had done some reasearch on my own to try and figure out what was going on with my thumb. What I had come up with was this: a glomus tumor. For those who are interested you can do a Google search, but basically it is a growth that can develop under the nail. I talked to the doctor and he substantiated my research. He told me I had two options: live with the pain or he can remove the nail and take out the little growth. The catch? There's no guarantee that the nail will grow back correctly. Because he's going to be cutting where the matrix is (where nail cells grow) there may always be a ridge or split in my nail after the surgery.

I thought about it. I called my mom (when in doubt, call mom!). I made the decision to have the procedure done. I was already taking some time off this week because my parent's were going to be out of town and I was going to be staying with my sisters, so I took a few extra days off before my parent's left to have the surgery. Monday afternoon my mom came and picked me up from work and we went to the doctor's office. (Yes, I'm almost 28 and yes, my mom came with me to the doctor. You got a problem with that?) Finally we were called back to the room and the medical assistant who took us back asked me the stupidest question ever. "So, you want to take your nail off?"

Uhm. No. I don't want to take off my nail.

She gives me a disclosure statement to sign about the possible alergic reactions I could have to the anethesia and about the possibility that there is going to be a scar, yadda yadda yadda. I sign it, she leaves and mom and I are left in the room to wait some more. My heart is fluttering anxiously in my chest the longer we sit here. Have I mentioned that I hate doctors, needles, surgery and pain?? I'm trying to breathe evenly. I don't want to pass out.

In comes the doctor, followed by someone else (a medical student, I assume, who is shadowing him today). We are introduced to the other guy as Scott. And he's cute. (Too bad he has to be introduced to me when I am going to be acting like such a huge wimp....) What did Scott look like? Tall, thin, dark hair, really pretty blue eyes...and he looked very familiar to me. It took me until later that evening when I was home, lying on the couch and trying to ignore the pain in my thumb, that it finally dawned on me why Scott looked so familiar. He looked kinda of like Sean Maher. (And no, Katy, I am not making this up so please stop laughing.) Who is Sean Maher? He played the doctor, Simon on Firefly.

The doctor preps my fingers and reaches (for what I assumed was the syringe of the anethetic) and I immediately turn my head, grab my mom's hand, close my eyes and cringe in the chair. To which Scott replies, "It's just a pen."

"Oh." I reply, relaxing some and mentally slapping my head. Idiot, idiot, idiot....

After making some marks on my thumb indicating where he is going to be cutting, the doctor NOW grabs the syringe of anethetic and I cringe again. He talks to Scott about where he's injecting the anestheic and why...as my thumb slowly goes numb and tingly. Then starts the process of removing my thumbnail. Thankfully the anesthetic is doing it's job and I don't feel anything. I keep my eyes focused on the wall behind my mom and keep a steady hold of her hand. The doctor gets the nail off and remarks, "Everything looks normal. Your nail bed is really healthy looking."

Damn it.

"I'm feeling around now." The doctor says. "To see if I can feel anything that shouldn't be there. I can't find anything..."

Here I must pause and point out something that struck me as funny. The radio that is being piped into the room made me laugh at this point. What song, you ask, is playing? "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2. LOL! The next song that comes on was very apropo as well: "Had A Bad Day" by Daniel Powter.

Back to the operation taking place.

"Well," the doctor says a moment later. "I can feel something but here's the problem. It's underneath the matrix." (The matrix is the root of the nail--where nail cells grow). "If I cut through thee matrix there is a possibility that it won't heal properly and you'll always have a ridge or split in your nail. So it's up to you on what you want to do."

I looked at my mom then took a deep breath. "Do it." I say. I mean, he's already in there, I want whatever is in there taken out." (Break through the Matix, Neo!) So he goes through the matrix and takes out what he calls "a growth of fatty tissue" then puts a few stitches in my finger where he had to cut the skin to get to the matrix and they bandage me up. He wrote me out a prescription for some pain pills (Tylenol with codeine....as my friend Kristen said, I got jipped!) and I went home with mom.

Monday night was the longest and most painful night of my life. The codeine did almost nothing for the pain. I was kept up all night with the throbbing and stinging pain. I popped as many pills as I could through out the night but nothing seemed to help. Tuesday was.....interesting. All the codeine I injested the night before finally started kicking in during the afternoon and evening. I basically just sat on the couch and zoned out. I wasn't loopy, I wasn't tired, I was.....nothing. Then I started getting nauseated. Too much codeine, not enough food. Thought for a moment that my long streak of not puking was going to end. But it didn't.

Last night I took one pill before I went to bed and kept the bottle on the table by the bed, prepping for another night of pain. I went to bed.....and woke up at 6am! No need for pain pills during the night and no pain in my thumb! It was a miracle!! Another miracle: I haven't taken any pain pills today! :)

The thumb seems to be healing nicely but I have to say that it is very intersting trying to shower, get ready, drive, prepare food, TYPE, basically do anything, with one hand. Luckily it's my left hand that is semi-incapacitated but it is still more difficult than I thought it would be to do things minus one thumb. Below are a few pictures for those who have been asking for them and I will keep you all updated on how the healing goes :)

This is the super sexy red bandage I have on my thumb....mmmm...that's hot!! lol

This is what my thumb looks like without the super sexy bandage. The little black lines on my finger are the stitches.