spider

"To see a spider in your dream, indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation."

Yep. That about sums up my life right now.

i get it!!

Last night's dream involved alligators:

"To see an alligator in your dream, symbolizes treachery, deceit, and hidden instincts. It may be a signal for you to take on a new perspective on a situation. It may also represent your ability to move between the physical, material world of waking life and the emotional, repressed world of the unconscious. Alternatively, the alligator represents healing powers and qualities. An alligator also suggests that you are thick-skinned or insensitive."

You can stop with the crazy dreams! I get it! I need to make a decision! I just wish I knew WHAT decision I was supposed to be making. Are all these dreams about work? Or about school? How about instead of crazy dreams involving moving furniture, aliens coming to attack me, bridges falling, and hunting alligators, you give me something a little more clear. I don't do well with subtle...

a bridge in china

Once again I had a crazy dream last night. One symptom of me being sick is crazy, wacky dreams. I don't remember everything that happened in my dream last night, but I do remember there was a bridge somewhere in China with a lot of people on it (I mean, duh. It's China. There are a LOT of people in China) and then it collapsed into this big river.

After analysis, the China part came because I was talking to Kristy yesterday. She was complaining about how humid it has been up in Utah and how her hair is "as big as China." It made me laugh! The bridge collapsing part, I have no idea where that came from. According to the Dream Dictionary: "To see a bridge collapse in your dream, implies that you have let an important opportunity pass you by."

Awesome. So, on top of all the stress, trying to please everyone, added responsibility, searching for information and knowledge in order to make a big decision, I've also let an important opportunity pass me by. That's great.

apparently i need a change

Last night I dreamed I was going on a trip. I don't remember where I was going, but my friend Kristy was with me. I was being dropped off at the airport and then she was going to pick me up. Now that I think about it....I don't think I was actually going on a trip. I think I was just going to the airport. Weird. Then I dreamed that aliens were attacking my neighborhood while I was on my way to the airport.

Looking up what my dream on Saturday night meant made me curious about what this one meant. Here's what the Dream Dictionary said:

"To see aliens in your dream, signify that you are having difficulties adapting and adjusting to your new surroundings. You are felling 'alienated' and disconnected. You may also be having difficulties with how to handle or deal with a certain situation or person. On a psychological level, seeing aliens represent an encounter with an unfamiliar or neglected aspect of your own self."

"To dream that you are traveling, represents the path toward your life goals. It also parallels your daily routine and how you are progressing along. Alternatively, traveling signifies a desire to escape from your daily burdens. You are looking for a change in scenery, where no one has any expectations of you. Perhaps it is time to make a fresh start."

of geckos, dreams, and kleenex

A sniffle that began yesterday afternoon has now turned into a full-fledged cold. As I sit here this morning on the couch, surrounded by kleenex (both new and used) all I want to do is go back to bed. I hate being sick. I have been dealing with a lot of stress recently (both personal and work related) and I think it has all finally caught up with me. Hopefully I can kick this quick. I can't afford to be down and out for too long.

Last night I had a dream where I was moving and rearranging all the furniture in my living room. Just out of curiosity, I looked up on line what the meaning was for "moving furniture" and also for "bookshelf" as I specifically recall spending a lot of time moving around a bookshelf. I don't usually put a whole lot of stock into interpreting dreams, but let's see what they have to say...

"To dream that you are moving furniture, indicates that you are going out of your way to please others. Also, you may be changing your ways and trying to reevaluate your relationships/attitudes. Consider how easy or how difficult it is to move furniture as they may indicate the level of burden or responsibility you are feeling."

"To see a bookshelf in your dream, represents the various levels of your mind where ideas, concepts, and memories are kept. It also suggests your need to acquire some information or knowledge in a situation before making your decision."

Actually, that makes a LOT of sense right now in my life. I am feeling a HUGE burden of responsibility right now at work and trying very hard to please everyone and make sure everything gets done. I am also working on trying to reevaluate my attitudes about life and where I am right now vs where I want to be/where I wish I were. I am also trying to make a decision about whether or not to continue on with some additional schooling and, if I do, which school and program to go with. I definitely am looking for more information and knowledge in that situation before I make a decision.

Huh. Maybe there is something to this dream interpretation thing...

On a completely different note, I found this little guy hanging out by the laundry room the other night. Isn't he cute?!? He was about the size of my pinky from tip to the second knuckle. I'm not quite sure how he got into the house, but I left him where he was. Geckos are good for eating bugs and as far as I'm concerned he can stay and eat as many bugs as he wants!

inspiration

I have been dying for some inspiration to write for the last couple months. My brain has been feeling like a raisin--all dried up and nasty. Finally, this past week I've been able to get some ideas going for a story I started earlier this year! I'm almost afraid to write anything down for fear it's all going to stop again. We'll see how far I get. I'll keep you posted! :)

i'm tired

I'm tired of my job.

I'm tired of being hot & sweaty & gross all the time.

I'm tired of feeling taken for granted.

I'm tired of doing everything on my own.

I'm tired of watching people around me get what I want.

I'm tired of feeling left out.

I'm tired of being so emotional all the time.

I'm tired of eating healthy & seeing no change on the scale.

I'm tired of being alone.

aloha

Faith and I are going to Hawaii!!! We booked our trip yesterday. We leave October 15th and will be back Sunday morning the 23rd. We're going to be gone for a whole week and I'm so excited! We're staying at the Waikiki Gateway Hotel. We got a rental car for the week and we're starting to plan the things we want to do and what we want to see. Definitely on the list at this point:

*The Polynesian Cultural Center

*BYU-Hawaii campus

*Laie Temple

*The Dole Plantation

*Diamond Head State Monument

*The North Shore

*Pearl Harbor

If you know of any great places to go, let me know!! Let the countdown begin...

my handcart

All my life I have heard and read stories about the pioneers who crossed the plains. Their stories bring tears to my eyes because of their trials and hardships, but also because of their concrete faith and never-ending hope. None of those stories hit me as hard as those of the Saints who made the journey to Zion with handcarts. Tonight I went to go see the movie "17 Miracles" about these incredible pioneers. I am directly related to Levi Savage so this movie, and the stories it portrayed, are even more special to me because of my love for that great man, his testimony and example. It was a very spiritual experience watching this movie and I left with the conviction that I can continue to pull my own handcart.

If those early Saints were able to walk across the county through rain, sun, and snow; starve to death; freeze to death; leave loved ones in shallow graves; and come to the brink of complete failure....I can remain faithful and hopeful and continue to pull my handcart. My handcart isn't made out of wood. My handcart isn't filled with 17 pounds of my Earthly possessions. But it is just as real. I don't want to be found any less faithful than my ancestors at the last day. I don't know why I am having to pull this particular handcart right now, but the Lord does, and I know that through Him all things are possible and I will be given every blessing I have been promised if I remain faithful. It's hard. My hands, feet, and back hurt sometimes. There are days I'm not sure I can make it the 12 miles that I have to walk, but I will continue to put one foot in front of the other until help arrives and I reach my destination.

I was listening to a CD on the way to work today that echoes some of the thoughts and emotions I've been struggling with the last couple weeks, as well as what my hopes are for the future.

"Change"

Taylor Swift

And it's a sad picture, the final blow hits you
Somebody else gets what you wanted again
You know it's all the same, another time and place
Repeating history and you?re getting sick of it

But I believe in whatever you do
And I'll do anything to see it through

Because these things will change, can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
It's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win

We'll sing hallelujah!
We'll sing hallelujah! Oh

So we've been outnumbered, raided and now cornered
It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair
We're getting stronger now from things they never found
They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared

You can walk away and say we don't need this
But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this

'Cause these things will change, can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
It's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win

We'll sing hallelujah!
We'll sing hallelujah! Oh

Tonight we standed on our knees
To fight for what we worked for all these years
And the battle was long, it's the fight of our lives
Will we stand up champions tonight?

It was the night things changed, can you see it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back fell down
It's a revolution, throw your hands up, 'cause we never gave in

We'll sing hallelujah!
We sang hallelujah!
Hallelujah!

100K

My car hit a milestone today. 100K. I'm afraid it's going to blow up now.