i feel like I should blog but...

...I really have nothing to say.

However, because blogging is the 21st centuries version of writing in my journal, I feel pressure to at least check in every couple days and let my future posterity know how I'm doing so they can hopefully gain a greater appreciation for me and all the struggles I went through in my life and all that jazz.

So...

Since my post on preparing for my death and making sure my estate is taken care of, I haven't done anything to change my current situation.  I find I'm not really ready to confront the possibility of my ultimate demise.  I feel that writing a will and taking out additional life insurance is just going to be tempting fate.  Once I do those things then death can swoop in at any time and take me, but if I put them off then I'll never die because I'll never be ready.  There.  I just decided.  I'm not going to do it and I'm going to live forever!

(As if THAT'S not tempting fate)

(Knocks on wood)

I don't really want to die OR live forever.  And I promise I will take care of all that depressing adult stuff soon.

What I have done since my last post is decide that I'm only going to weigh myself once a week instead of every day.  Every day weighing just leads to emotional breakdowns and temper tantrums and really isn't good for my overall well-being.  I went out last night with Katy for dinner and a movie (Chili's chips and salsa and other appetizers and then Snow White and the Huntsman) and ate way too many food points, I'm sure, but I don't really care.  Yes, I know loosing weight is important and I am going to stay with Weight Watchers for as long as I can afford it, but I'm not going to prevent myself from living and having fun occasionally.  I don't splurge on a regular basis, so once in a while is okay.

I've also been contemplating getting a dog.

Why?  Because, as stated in my previous post, I'm lonely.  And since Mr. Right doesn't seem to be making any appearances (remember how he died of dysentery on the Oregon Trail?) I figure a pooch might be a good replacement.  Plus, it would be an added security system.  I really don't mind living by myself...during the day.  At night, I tell myself I'm okay being in the house all alone, but the truth is, I'm not.  I'm definitely doing better than I used to do, but every since the break-in back in November I've been a lot more skittish about being alone at night.  Why is it that all the regular house noises seem 10x more loud once it's dark outside?

Here are my concerns about getting a dog:

*They're kind of stinky

*They leave poop in the back yard (and sometimes the house)

*The shed

*They cost money to feed and take to the vet

*What would I do with him/her whenever I go on vacation and can't take him/her?

*He/she would be left alone all day while I'm at work and I would feel bad

*Although I NEVER see her, I'm not sure if Invisible Roomie would be okay with a dog in the house

*Some family members have pet allergies so they wouldn't be able to come over to the house anymore


Here's why I think it would be a good idea to get a dog:

*So I'm not alone in the house at night (or during the day when I'm home)

*So the house is more protected when I'm away

*So I have someone who loves me and is excited when I come home

*So I have an excuse to exercise


I've spent some time the last couple days looking at pictures of dogs that are available at the Humane Society and some other rescue places around town.  There are several who have caught my eye and who I would consider bringing home.  I'm just not sure if I'm really ready for the responsibility.  Plus, then I remember how much I cried when our ferret died a couple years ago and I know that if I DO get a dog and he/she dies (which they always do) it's going to be 10x worse.  I think that's probably my biggest issue when it comes to relationships.  Loving hurts.  And I'm scared to do it.

Bottom line: I can't do anything (read: I don't want to do anything) until after my summer trips so I'm not bringing someone home and then immediately leaving them for a couple weeks, which gives me a couple months to make a decision.  Should I, or shouldn't I?  I don't know.  I guess we'll have to wait and see...