small miracle

It's a miracle I didn't kill myself or someone else today.

Sundays are supposed to be a day of rest. The problem is, Sunday is usually when I have the most trouble. Most of the trouble comes from the fact that I am 28.5 years old and still single. The world doesn't see this as an issue, but those of you who are LDS will understand what I'm talking about. I'm a failure. By now I should be married and have 3 kids. What do I have? I have a fish. Because I am almost 29 and still unmarried I am relegated to attending church in the Young Single Adult ward where I get to sit there, week after week, feeling more and more like a failure and a freak and act happy for all the 21 year olds who are "finally engaged!"

*insert the sound of me blowing my brains out*

Usually I can ignore the feeling of failure but today it was just one more stick in my pile o' crap of a day. Let me explain...

It all started last week. Got a voicemail from the ward mission leader (I'm a ward missionary) laying a guilt trip on me for not being at missionary correlation meeting and telling me I need to be better at being there every week. I'm sorry. I was out of town one week and then went to my cousin's mission farewell the next. Before that it was the holidays and no one was around so we didn't have it. I sent him a text & said I would be there this week. Fast forward to today. Came for the meeting. No one was there. After sitting there for 10 minutes, I sent him a text which said, "I was here for the meeting. Did I miss it?" Giving the benefit of the doubt that maybe they had had to relocate to a different room for some reason before I had gotten there. A few minutes later I got his response: "Sorry there wasn't one today."

*cue the frustration and irritation*

And he wonders why I never show up. But apparantly, I'm damn if I do and damned if I don't. When I don't show up I get the guilt trip laid on me. When I do show up, no one bothers to tell me it's been cancelled.

After that I sat through meetings with crazy people giving talks. Then during announcements one of the guys who spoke got back up and told everyone he was available for Valentine's day and he likes rib eye steak and mashed potatoes. Wow. Really?? Then another guy got up and said there was a multi-ward activity on Valentine's Day and that, "if you're one of those girls who doesn't have a date" to come. The knife just keeps twisting.

The next fourteen days are going to be rough. It's gonna be a miracle if I, and everyone around me, survives. Fair warning. I'm not going to handle Valentine's day very well this year.